If tomorrow never comes
by Jessica12
Summary: "I cling to him like he could save me..."


Title: If tomorrow never comes  
  
Author: Jessica ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )  
  
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Category:MSR, CD, angst, V  
  
Spoiler: None  
  
Archive: Whereever..Just let me know where  
  
Feedback: Yes, PLEASE:...j_rothen@yahoo.se  
  
Summary: "I cling to him like he could save me..."  
  
Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX   
and they are not mine.   
  
Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar  
mistake may occur.  
  
I cling to him like he could save me.   
But I know not even him can stop what is happening.   
I used to think he was invincible,  
like one of those heroes you read about when you're a child.   
One of those who fight against the dark forces and always wins.   
But I know that he is human, even though he likes to   
think he's not.   
I know that he wants to do so much.   
I know that he carries around the weight of the world on his   
shoulders.   
I know him by now.   
I know every line of his face and   
how his lips feel against mine.   
I know when he tries to hide his emotions from me, as  
he does now.   
I know that he's scared.   
I can see it in his eyes.   
I'm scared also.   
Fear used to be an enemy of mine but these days  
I consider it my friend.   
It sharpens my senses and makes me feel more alive than ever.  
He pulls me closer and wraps his arms around me.   
I feel so safe in his arms.   
It feels like nothing ever can harm me when he holds me.   
But I know it's too late for dreams like that.   
I rest my head against his chest and listen to the sound of   
his heartbeat.   
When the pain hits me I close my eyes in a weak  
attempt to shut it out.   
Maybe this isn't such bad way to go?  
____________________________________  
  
The darkness of the night surrounds us and I pull her closer.  
She feels weightless in my arms.  
I know that I can't stop it from happening.   
I wish I could.   
I have tried everything.  
But both of us know that it's too late.   
I know that she will not resent me for giving up.   
She understands.   
She knows that I would do anything in my power to save her.   
I would give my life if that was possible.   
I know I should be standing up and fight for her.   
But what can I do?   
Her life is slipping away from me.  
She knows it and I know it.   
Believe me, I have prayed and even begged for a sign, for some help.   
I have even screamed until I can't no more.   
But I know no one can hear me.   
She's lying here bleeding in my arms and there's nothing I can   
do to help her.   
Some might say that I should leave her and look for help.   
Maybe I'm a fool but I prefer to stay with her.   
I don't want to leave her here all alone.   
I have to believe that we will be saved.   
But still doubt lingers in my mind and that scares me.  
_______________________________________________  
  
My body feels weightless.   
I'll not fear death.   
It's a part of my life.   
It's a friend of mine, always waiting in the wings.   
I have lived a full life.   
I have seen so much and learned so many things.   
I got to meet Fox Mulder.   
I got to fall in love.   
As I look at him now I wonder if he knows that he's so easy to love.   
I can't say it was love at first sight.   
It was more like it crept up on you and caught you of   
guard when you least expected it.   
I have only been in love once before and that was years ago.   
I have almost forgotten what it felt like.   
But I know now.   
He makes my heart skip a beat when he walks into the room   
and he makes my mind blurry when he smiles at me.   
But still I fear telling him what's in my heart.   
I don't know why.   
Maybe it's because that we have become so close during the   
years we have worked together that I fear if I tell him it would   
ruin our friendship.   
Maybe it's just a weak explanation for not telling him.   
I don't know.   
We have finally come to the end of the road and I still hesitate.   
I don't want to cause him more pain by telling him  
something he doesn't want to hear.   
"Hold on, Scully. I know they will find us."   
His voice trembles a bite as he looks down at me.   
I know he's so afraid and I wish I could tell him that everything is going  
to be all right.   
I wish I could lie to him.   
But I can't.   
I know that my time on this earth is coming to an end.   
"Mulder..."  
He looks down at me and I can see worry in his eyes.   
I wish I could do something to wipe away the feelings that cause him  
such pain.   
But I can't.  
"Scully, don't talk. Rest. They will come for us."  
"Look at me, Mulder. "  
My hand trembles as I stroke his cheek to get his attention.   
"I know we haven't gotten much time left."  
"Don't say that."   
"You have to face the fact that this is it for us."  
"Please, Scully. You have to hold on.  
"It's my time to go and I have accepted that."  
"I haven't. I won't accept that."  
"I'm dying"  
He looks away and I can see tears in his eyes.   
I wish I could ease his pain.  
"I know they will come. Just hold on. They are here at any   
moment."   
"Mulder, it's time for me to go. I'm ready"  
"Don't say that!"  
His crying now as he looks down at me.   
Even though it hurts me to see him like this I know that he'll be fine.   
He's so strong.   
"Do you know why?"  
"No"  
"At least I got to love you."  
"Scully, please...."  
"Mulder, I have thanked god for giving me you. We have been  
through so much together and there have been times when we  
have been apart. I have always believed in you Mulder. You're  
a wonderful person."  
"Scully, don't go. We can fix this. You'll be okay."  
"Not this time."   
"Just tell me what do and I'll do it."   
"Mulder. There's nothing you can do this time. You have to   
let me go."   
"I don't know how. You are the one good thing that still   
remains in my life. You're apart of me. You complete me."   
"Mulder, you have so much going for you. You're such a nice  
man. You're so easy to love. Any woman would be glad to have  
you love."  
"I don't want any other than you. I'm in love with you. I  
wish I told you along time ago. But I was afraid."   
"And I love you."  
The flashlight flickers in his hands and slowly dies away.   
I wish we had more time.   
There is still so much I want to tell him.   
But I feel my mind drift away.   
I'm not afraid.   
I have finally told him what I feared so much.   
I know he'll be fine.  
I look into the eyes of the man I love and whisper my goodbyes.  
I know we'll meet again one day.   
Then I close my eyes and give  
myself to the angels.  
___________________________   
  
I turn my head to the darken sky and shout to the heaven:  
"I have never asked you for anything, God. I have tried to be  
good, believe me. Don't do this; I'm begging you, please,   
don't take her away from me. Please God, don't take her away.  
If somebody has to die, let it be me."  
But he wasn't listening.   
I can feel her life drain from her body.   
I sit there holding her while death comes to take her away   
and there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening.   
We have been at this crossroad before but we have always managed   
to cheat death.   
Maybe I had it coming.   
I never expected it to end like this.  
Not like this.   
Not here.   
Not her.   
I feel so cold now.   
I pull her closer to me.   
I know I should let go now.   
It's insane to cling to her.   
But I need her here.   
There's nothing more I can do.   
Surrendering.  
I'm alone again.   
Oh, god I need her.   
I sit there cradling her body with the stars as my only company.   
I feel my heart fading away as I try to breathe.  
She's gone.   
I should have told her more that I loved her.  
I should have hold on to her that not even god could take her away.   
I should have cherished every moment we spent together.   
I lost my head somewhere along the way.  
Not seeing the beauty that was infront of me.  
I let time slipp away from me.  
Now it's all gone.   
My world is shattered.   
The darkness is here again and I welcome it.   
I close my eyes and surrender.  
  
FEEDBACK::::::::::::PLEASE::::::j_rothen@yahoo.se 


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